My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
