My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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