Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
