Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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