After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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