So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
