So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize