Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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