Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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