come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
