its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize