Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
