the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think your dad took our porno
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
