so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize