My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
