i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
