im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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