Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
