just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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