Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize