God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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