The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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