Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
