piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
