I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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