this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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