Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can u get pink eye on your cock?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
