I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
