You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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