I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
