i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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