There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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