I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
