I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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