Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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