Got a toothbrush?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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