You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
