I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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