he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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