accomplished twins. life is a go
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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