OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
