it was like his penis was on wheels.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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