I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
