She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize