His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
