i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
