i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
