So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
