either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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