I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
