so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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