when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
