Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
