No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
