I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
