how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
