Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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