the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
one might say we're banned from that church
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
