: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
