Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
