If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
