I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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