doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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