She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
