my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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