Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
