Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
