There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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