I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
