I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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