after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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