an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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