So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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