I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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