just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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