i think my tv is drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
