Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
