In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
PANTIES FOUND
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