I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
