It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
