If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
