on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
