Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
