Only a mothe r could love this liver
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
