im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
