there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
