Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
