she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
