She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this beer tastes like vomit already
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
