from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
