i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
