yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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