If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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