Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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