Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
