I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
