My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
