Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize