Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
