I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize