Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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