Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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