My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
