i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
