brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
