i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
