Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
