you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
