if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
