Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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