So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We need to get me chipped asap
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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