you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
