My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
