I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
