So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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