It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize